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3 Lessons from Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay
Bachelor/Bachelorette Musings | Dating
3 Lessons from Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay
Whether you are a Bachelor/Bachelorette fan like myself or not, you can still learn 3 Lessons for how to be SECURE IN LOVE from Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay.
Rachel was one of the more confident, self-assured, and likable Bachelorettes. I would call her “Secure” when it comes to her Love Style or rather a ‘Confident Hero.’Rachel came from a loving family; they appeared supportive and respectful of her decisions.  Rachel made a confident Bachelorette because of her family’s positive influence and her successes in life. Rachel admitted in her previous season with Nick that she had trouble speaking up and sharing her feelings. In her current role as the Bachelorette, she overcame her communication fears.  She was very clear from the beginning to the end what she was looking for. As a secure woman, Rachel represents a mere  25% of the population, of women. Rachel is a role model to other insecure men and women. Try to be confident like Rachel by applying the following:

1.  DON’T MAKE EXCUSES FOR MEN OR WOMEN

Example: When Rachel found out from DaMario Jackson’s ex-girlfriend that he was being duplicitous she was skeptical though she listened to both the girlfriend and DeMario stories. Rachel gave Da Mario a chance to speak up with honesty, however, he became defensive. As a Secure woman, Rachel didn’t make excuses for his behavior, she asked him to leave.  He came back a second time to try to redeem himself.  Despite his best efforts, he was unable to put Rachel’s mind at rest. Rachel stated that she wanted to be with “a man not a boy” implying that a man would take responsibility for his behavior and know how to repair a relationship. This is an example of a secure person knowing their worth and expecting how they will be treated.

2.  LEARN FROM YOUR PAST/LOVE SHOULD BE EASY

Example:  Rachel was trying to learn from her past. I’m guessing that Peter was similar to her ex, which was why she was simultaneously attracted to him and scared of him. Men like Peter not only need more time to fall in love. Sometimes they NEVER catch up, which is what Rachel feared.  You can’t help but agree with Peter that true love can’t be rushed but few women want to put in this effort for a man who is a maybe. While many viewers interpreted the tearful goodbye between Rachel and Peter to be about true love, to me it looked like frustration. After 3 hours of circular talking, both were beaten down and could not figure out a compromise? Peter gave many mixed messages. For Rachel, she was sad that Peter could not be more definitive. Peter not making a decision, was a decision! I liked that Rachel wanted to show up on her engagement day not having to break up with a guy right before getting engaged. A Bachelorette first, which I appreciate.
In a secure relationship, love should be easy, not hard, especially from the beginning.Rachel learned from her previous relationship that you can’t change someone, not even after 5 years.
In contrast, Rachel’s relationship with Bryan was easy. She gave Bryan the first impression rose and their relationship progressed without drama.Bryan was more expressive from the beginning to end.He made her feel secure, which is what women want and need! Both Rachel and Bryan appeared confident and genuinely ecstatic about their connection.

3. SPEAK & ACT WITH CONFIDENCE

Example: Rachel spoke and acted with confidence throughout the entire season. On the finale, Rachel confronted Peter for wishing her a mediocre life.  Peter was very nervous, stating that he was shaking and felt “attacked” on the live show. Like a Secure woman, Rachel asked Peter for evidence that she was attacking him? She chose her words wisely and told Peter that she respected his slower pace. Rachel told Peter that a show like the Bachelor probably wouldn’t work for him for these reasons. Rachel made no apologies that as a 32-year-old woman, she’s had enough experience to know what she wanted and what worked for her. She elegantly wished Peter well.  Rachel appeared very relieved to be with a man like Bryan who she felt was more similar to her in that they both are confident and more expressive.
SECURE SUMMARY:  RACHEL SAID SHE AND BRYAN ARE ‘BEST-FRIENDS’ AND CALLED THE RELATIONSHIP ‘MATURE.’ BOTH GOOD SIGNS OF CREATING A SECURE RELATIONSHIP. IF BOTH OF THEM CAN CONTINUE TO COMMUNICATE I HAVE HIGH HOPES THAT THEY WILL BE ONE OF THE COUPLES THAT MAKES IT.
If you have an alternative view, please leave a comment.
Thanks,
 Doctor Diane

 

24 comments to " 3 Lessons from Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay "

  • Brenda

    Good one, Yes, I like Rachel, I agree I think she handled herself well.
    Best to them

    • Diane Strachowski

      Brenda,
      Yes, I too wish them lots of love, I think it’s challenging but possible to find love on a dating show.
      Dr. Diane

  • Jennifer

    Love this. You are spot on.

  • Alex

    I was all for Peter, but can see your perspective. I was disappointed that he was bitter in the end,

    • Diane Strachowski

      Yes, I think in the heat of the moment he said this because he was hurt. It was good he apologized, this was the right thing to do.
      Thanks for your comment,
      Dr. Diane

  • Cynthia

    Dr. Diane…I think you are spot on! And, I agree with your comment that it’s hard to find love on a dating show! Have you ever thought about coaching people on the Bachelorette? They sure could use a professional translator to help them along…

    • Diane Strachowski

      Thanks, Cynthia,
      I think they already have one, but I would love to consult with them.
      Dr. Diane

  • Terry

    Dr. Diane, great insights! You clearly know what it takes to make a relationship work. I’m with Cynthia – you could bring a lot of value to the show!

    • Diane Strachowski

      Terry, I appreciate the vote of confidence, if they need references, I will know who to ask.
      Thanks,
      Dr. Diane

  • T

    I don’t watch the show but the points sound valid! Here’s to secure women ( and men!) ….you’re helping us all get there!

  • Linda Lesniak

    Great article Dr Diane, totally agree with your insightful analysis, thanks!

  • Jaclyn

    Rachel was a breath of fresh air and as you point out, direct and clear which resulted in so many women watching the show giving her major respect from afar! Regarding this post, my big takeaway is point 3. You should always be clear and direct whether single or in a relationship. At times it can be uncomfortable or nerve wrecking if you worry about the other person’s reaction. I think Rachel showed us all how to step back, clearly communicate needs and let go of worrying about the other person’s perception. Do you have a tip for being direct and assertive without being abrasive? Open to your thoughts!

    • Diane Strachowski

      Jaclyn,
      Thanks for your comment. I think some people judged Rachel harshly for the ending, but we need to take into consideration her entire journey not just who she chose and how hurt feelings were expressed. To answer your question, the best way to be direct is to tell someone how you feel without judging their motives “Why did you ____?” or putting blame on the other, “You made me feel __” Both these approaches will put someone on the defensive. Abrasiveness is usually a problem when someone is upset. My advice is to take a breath and cool off first, then be direct about what how you feel. You can’t go wrong when you take ownership in a calm manner.
      Dr. Diane

  • NavyTazman

    Hi Diane,
    I think your analysis of Rachel, her selection and how she “carried herself” are spot on. That said the choice from the get go (For me as a man) was crystal clear – Brian! why? He was/is older and more mature; he knew what he wanted and did not want; he was crystal clear from the get go as to how much he liked and appreciated her (Something she had a hard time understanding as she kept wondering if he was just a “slick operator — Which, in my humble opinion, did NOT make her a very Strong and Clear woman as you have indicated…. ) and finally he was 37 (A lot of men, unfortunately in this country don’t mature till later in life as they go from High School into College/University (No mandatory Army service like we have (3 years for men and 2 for women); the whole “Frat Boys”; etc.. Bottom Line: She made great choice throughout the show and carried very little “bad baggage” at the end. Hope we see more shows like this with Men too!!

    • Diane Strachowski

      Navy,
      Thanks for your insightful perspective. I do think that some of the biases and stereotypes about men are cultural. This season it was nice to have a broader cultural mix. Bryan is Columbian and typically they are more expressive. For a western woman who is not used to this style, it makes sense to be skeptical wondering as Rachel did, “if Bryan is too good to be true or too much too soon?” This speaks more to the type of man women are accustomed to, not about a woman believing she is worth it. Rachel admitted that it took her awhile to get used to the attention, but she was strong in the end. I agree with you, that culturally in the US men mature later and we could benefit from seeing fewer boys and more men on the show. I’d love to see a show with mature men and women, however, it doesn’t make for the same type of drama the show is looking for.

      • NavyTazman

        Hi Diane,
        I think your analysis of Rachel, her selection and how she “carried herself” are spot on. That said the choice from the get go (For me as a man) was crystal clear – Brian! why? He was/is older and more mature; he knew what he wanted and did not want; he was crystal clear from the get go as to how much he liked and appreciated her (Something she had a hard time understanding as she kept wondering if he was just a “slick operator — Which, in my humble opinion, did NOT make her a very Strong and Clear woman as you have indicated…. ) and finally he was 37 (A lot of men, unfortunately in this country don’t mature till later in life as they go from High School into College/University (No mandatory Army service like we have (3 years for men and 2 for women); the whole “Frat Boys”; etc.. Bottom Line: She made great choice throughout the show and carried very little “bad baggage” at the end. Hope we see more shows like this with Men too!!

      • NavyTazman

        Hi Diane,
        I agree 100% with you.! It would be awesome to have a show where we have more Brian’s and more Rachel”s …. The fact that we don’t have it (Like you said — it doesn’t make for the sensational/reality TV that we unfortunately have become used to) is truly SAD and Pathetic. to a large extent and that is why we end up with shows like the “XYZ in paradise…. which ends up being a disaster in my opinion..

  • KittyLou

    Hi Dr. Diane, I think your interpretation is quite accurate! We can all relate to these situations in relationships. Thank you!

    • Diane Strachowski

      KittyLou,
      Aw yes, the trials and tribulations of dating, and the thought of doing it on National television! It’s like sports, lots of people commenting on what the athlete should do, but they’ve never played themselves 🙂
      Thanks for the comment,
      Dr. Diane

  • sandy

    Great synopsis. All too common in relationships.
    Easier said than done…..
    Great analysis of the 3 to dos. Simple love it.
    Sandy V.

  • K Shawn

    Excellent insight! Dr. Diane, you should have a show following each episode. there is much to be learned about relationships from watching and gaining your insight. thank you!!

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