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Attachment Theory | Feedback | Knowing Yourself
Your Love Style Profile; How did I do?

I’m getting great feedback from my quiz and love style profiles, the 3 questions I’m getting are:

  1. How did I create my love style quiz and profiles?
  2. How do you know me so well?
  3. How can I comment on my profile results?

1. How did I create my quiz and profiles?   Before I created my love style quiz I searched for paper-pencil and online assessments for attachment style.  The available quizzes were either too long: 100 questions or you had to pay to get your results.  Even more discouraging were the results summarizing your attachment style. To receive an attachment style that says you are either: secure, anxious–preoccupied, dismissive–avoidant, and fearful–avoidant sounds down-right depressing.  What do these descriptors even mean? If I am preoccupied, am I’m preoccupied with my thoughts, my work, or my cell phone?  Is the goal to become less preoccupied? If I was having a hard time understanding the meaning of these attachment styles how would someone without a background in psychology understand them?

As is usually the case, in order to do something right you need to do it yourself, I had the idea to come up with a quiz that was not only succinct, but I wanted to give results that were meaningful.  I decided to call the results from my quiz a person’s love style.  Your love style is the result of how your attachment plays out in your adult relationships.

The next issue I wanted to solve was to understand how many love styles there are? In my 20 years as a psychologist, I’d always noticed that while two people may have the same attachment style they often look very different depending on how expressive they are.  I describe high expressive people as those who have no trouble telling their partners what they need and want, low expressive people, often hold back speaking their truth.  In each of the four main attachment styles, there is a high and low expressive subtype. For example, if you grew up in a home that was more on the independent or isolated side if you are high expressive you are a Renaissance Lover, your low expressive counterpart is the Hesitant Romantic. For the Wounded Warrior love style, I do not have a category for low or high expressive. This is how I came up with 7 different types.

2. How do you know me so well?  I’m flattered that most people are finding it accurate, however, I can’t imagine that I will get every person accurate so if your profile is 80-90% accurate I would consider that a huge success. 

If you find that your profile is not at least 80-90% correct, it might be that you answered the questions in a way that sounds ideal but is not accurate to your true personality.  Often the first time people take the test, they tend to answer the questions as they see themselves, not how they actually are.  If this applies to you, I encourage you to take it a second time, this time, try not to overthink but respond based upon real world examples and feedback from others. For example, you may think that you are independent and calm down alone but others would say you calm down only after processing with others.  The profile you receive will be most helpful if you answer these questions not how you think you are but how others see you?  If in your profile you came up a Confident Hero, this would imply that you are easy going, flexible, are low drama and have a history of mainly stable relationships. If you have gotten less than positive feedback from previous partners, have had many struggles in your relationships and/or your friends and family would not confirm they see you this way, you might want to re-take the quiz.  Sometimes people who know us well often see us more accurately than we see ourselves.

3. How can you comment on your profile results?  I invite everyone to leave their comments in the comment section.  I want to hear from you, does your profile fit for you?  Were there things that I listed in Blind Spots that were hard to hear?  On a scale from 1-100%,  how close am I?  What types of future blog posts would be helpful for you to understand yourself better?

SECURE NOTE: I’m a psychologist, not a psychic I created my quiz based upon Science and my 20 years of clinical experience.  share your profile with people you know well and see If they think it is accurate? Are your friends and family similar to you or different?

Warm wishes,

15 comments to " Your Love Style Profile; How did I do? "

  • Leaha

    So glad you wrote this post, I took your quiz and wanted to share how awesome I think the results are. You got me 100% and my husband, I’m a hesitant romantic and he’s a renaissance lover, confirms we are similar. Thanks for the tips, I’ve sent it to everyone I know. Love it!!

  • Nathan

    Dr Diane,
    I continue to find your posts really helpful in thinking about relationships. The quiz really opened my eyes on how to get along not only with my wife but my other relationships as well. I’m recommending it to all my firends.
    Thanks!

  • Kevin

    Dr. Diane:
    I really liked the quiz — short and to the point. It also painted a very accurate picture of who I am and as they say, “If the shoe fits – wear it”! That said I would love to understand as to how you take this to the next step — ALA Once you find out what your profile is., is there a way to work on it to improve in areas that could use improvement thus making you a much more secure partner and thus having a lot more to offer as an individual and a partner. I think that finding out your profile is a GREAT START — But I want more…..

    • Diane Strachowski

      Kevin,
      Thanks for your comment. Yes, I hope you signed up for my regular posts I will send out more information based upon love types and what people can do to improve. The best way to become more secure is to work on yourself in individual therapy and to find a good person to partner with. My website cannot be a substitute for therapy. If you are local to me, check out my services page and contact me if you are interested, this is my specialty area.
      Dr. Diane

  • martha

    I completely agree, You pretty much hit the nail on the head with mine! And I think it’s a great start to understanding what it is that I’m actually looking for in a partner. I normally have some many things going through my brain when I think about relationships and this helped me understand why I tend to think and act certain way. Looking forward to reading more! Great job!

    • Diane Strachowski

      Martha,
      Glad it helped you understand yourself better, stay tuned I will be posting more on the types.
      Thanks,
      Dr. Diane

  • Sam

    Your quiz was spot on.
    Interesting history on how you created it, I appreciate the lovely profile.

  • Jackie

    Your quiz was right on target of how I view myself and my relationships. I loved the descriptions- easy to understand and quiz was succinct and to the point. It was like you have known me for a long time.

  • Eric

    I was skeptical initially due to the online quizzes I’ve taken in the past not being accurate, but I was pleasantly surprised by the results of your quiz. The description of me was spot on and basically every attribute applied to me. The blind spots really gave me ideas of what to think about in my relationship that I hadn’t thought of before. I would say you are 99% accurate in your assessment!

    • Diane Strachowski

      Eric,
      Thanks for the lovely feedback. Yes, I really want people to focus on their blind spots these can be helpful when others may not give you direct feedback.
      Glad my quiz came out accurate for you.
      Best,
      Dr. Diane

  • Sagal

    Thank you I am a Renaissance Lover and it resonates with me. I wonder if there are tests that can tell me which Lover I am best matched with.

    Thanks!
    Sagal

    • Diane Strachowski

      Sagal,
      Good question, this is always a tricky thing to find out who is your best match for you. Couples who are more similar usually make for a better fit. As a Renaissance Lover your biggest challenge will be to communicate effectively with your partner especially when under stress and in particular if you partner with someone who is opposite of you. I am working on another post hopefully to answer more fully your question, I’ve gotten other questions similar to yours.
      Thanks so much for letting me know about your results,
      Best,
      Dr. Diane

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