I’m getting great feedback from my quiz and love style profiles, the 3 questions I’m getting are:
- How did I create my love style quiz and profiles?
- How do you know me so well?
- How can I comment on my profile results?
1. How did I create my quiz and profiles? Before I created my love style quiz I searched for paper-pencil and online assessments for attachment style. The available quizzes were either too long: 100 questions or you had to pay to get your results. Even more discouraging were the results summarizing your attachment style. To receive an attachment style that says you are either: secure, anxious–preoccupied, dismissive–avoidant, and fearful–avoidant sounds down-right depressing. What do these descriptors even mean? If I am preoccupied, am I’m preoccupied with my thoughts, my work, or my cell phone? Is the goal to become less preoccupied? If I was having a hard time understanding the meaning of these attachment styles how would someone without a background in psychology understand them?
As is usually the case, in order to do something right you need to do it yourself, I had the idea to come up with a quiz that was not only succinct, but I wanted to give results that were meaningful. I decided to call the results from my quiz a person’s love style. Your love style is the result of how your attachment plays out in your adult relationships.
The next issue I wanted to solve was to understand how many love styles there are? In my 20 years as a psychologist, I’d always noticed that while two people may have the same attachment style they often look very different depending on how expressive they are. I describe high expressive people as those who have no trouble telling their partners what they need and want, low expressive people, often hold back speaking their truth. In each of the four main attachment styles, there is a high and low expressive subtype. For example, if you grew up in a home that was more on the independent or isolated side if you are high expressive you are a Renaissance Lover, your low expressive counterpart is the Hesitant Romantic. For the Wounded Warrior love style, I do not have a category for low or high expressive. This is how I came up with 7 different types.
2. How do you know me so well? I’m flattered that most people are finding it accurate, however, I can’t imagine that I will get every person accurate so if your profile is 80-90% accurate I would consider that a huge success.
If you find that your profile is not at least 80-90% correct, it might be that you answered the questions in a way that sounds ideal but is not accurate to your true personality. Often the first time people take the test, they tend to answer the questions as they see themselves, not how they actually are. If this applies to you, I encourage you to take it a second time, this time, try not to overthink but respond based upon real world examples and feedback from others. For example, you may think that you are independent and calm down alone but others would say you calm down only after processing with others. The profile you receive will be most helpful if you answer these questions not how you think you are but how others see you? If in your profile you came up a Confident Hero, this would imply that you are easy going, flexible, are low drama and have a history of mainly stable relationships. If you have gotten less than positive feedback from previous partners, have had many struggles in your relationships and/or your friends and family would not confirm they see you this way, you might want to re-take the quiz. Sometimes people who know us well often see us more accurately than we see ourselves.
3. How can you comment on your profile results? I invite everyone to leave their comments in the comment section. I want to hear from you, does your profile fit for you? Were there things that I listed in Blind Spots that were hard to hear? On a scale from 1-100%, how close am I? What types of future blog posts would be helpful for you to understand yourself better?
SECURE NOTE: I’m a psychologist, not a psychic I created my quiz based upon Science and my 20 years of clinical experience. share your profile with people you know well and see If they think it is accurate? Are your friends and family similar to you or different?